Week 11 Results and Lessons Learned...

Down 1lb (23lbs total)

I am happy. This is the best 1lb loss ever. After last week's gain I immediately went out and jumped, not fell, off the wagon. Saturday night, at my book club, I had 3 or 4 delicious Bourbon Chocolate Martinis and proceeded to eat all of the groovy 60s retro food like pinwheel sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, yum yum pickles, and devilled eggs. Carnage. I then got up the next morning and started two days at Dunsmuir Lodge with its fabulous buffets - have you ever seen an entire cart full of tiny perfect deserts?

Thankfully sanity returned on Tuesday when I got back to work and my daily eating routine. Its boring, but it works; it's balanced and relatively healthy. I am learning to return to it after every leap and I congratulate myself for doing that and managing that 1lb loss.

Week 10 Results and Lessons Learned...

Up .4lb (22lb total)

Well the week arrived where the scales didn't go down. I tracked my food and I went into the weigh-in with 30 weekly points uneaten but the scales weren't giving me what I wanted. It hurts; it feels like failure. And, even though I know that my ovaries are hurting, and my ankle's a little swollen and my ring is tight, I am having a hard time thinking that it's water weight.

So, now the hard mental work begins. I must keep thinking positively, telling myself this is not a diet but a healthy lifestyle in which I get to eat what I love in moderation. As our leader said last week sometimes the scales are not the best judge of success. I have to celebrate the fact that I can take off my new jeans without undoing the zipper.

Week 9 Results and Lessons Learned...

Down 2.4lbs (22.4lbs total)

I got my gold star, and I was proud of it! For the first time in my life I got back on the plan after falling off. The pizza didn't do me in; I didn't throw my hands in the air and say "well, you've already blown it so you might as well give in to that craving".

I now officially love Weight Watchers and myself for being faithful to each other. They said if I went to meetings and tracked my points I would lose weight, and they were right. They said there would be bumps in the road but that I should go to meetings and weigh-in anyway and track all of the points even the bad ones, and they were right. Halllelujah!

I am feeling hopeful. Fifty pounds is almost half gone; I can see the crest of the hill and I know what it takes to get there. I may actually have time to go up and over another hill before 50 strikes and take even more off.

I am looking at clothes again, and shoes, and haircuts. I imagine myself in a pair of Louboutin patent peep-toe pumps, with a pencil skirt and a gorgeous swingy camel hair coat

Week 8 results and lessons learned...

Down .4lbs (19.8 lbs total)

Our leader at tonight's meeting made me get off the scale and go pee - she really wanted me to have that next gold star! I did pee, and I took my dangly earrings off too, but no go.

This is actually a good thing as I should not be rewarded this week. Last weekend I ordered a small Panago classic on multi-grain with Pineapple and a chipotle dip and ate the whole thing. I also went our for dinner at Dunsmuir Lodge with Debbie and had duck confit (you do not want to know the points in that), then a squash souffle, followed by a fabulous steak with red wine demi glace, potatoes mashed with their skins after they'd been roasted (divine) and a little chocolate taster to wrap it up.

Did I mention that I love food? I loved the pizza even more than the dinner, and the dinner was great. I did, however, faithfully record my points and I went into the weigh-in with a negative 46.5 weekly point balance. I think the only thing that saved me was the hip-hop class I took Tuesday night and the fact that I got back on track once I went back to work on Monday. Oh, except for the nibbles of all the Halloween treats that made their way into the office. Did you know that those Lindt truffle balls - the ones that are about the size of a big bubble-gum - add up to 5 points for two? I didn't until after I ate them, which meant that I got to eat 2 pieces of fruit for my dinner that night. Now that was a real "lessons learned" moment.

So, to re-cap the last few weeks I have learned

• that my body really wants to lose weight and I just have to get out of its way
• that no matter how much I think I have outsmarted the 6 week backsliding event it sneaks up on me
• that tracking points is the secret weapon in this battle

Til next week.

Week 7 Results and Lessons Learned...

Down 2.4 lbs (19.4 lbs total)

Well, if last week shocked me, this week got me worried. I used 37 of my weekly 35 slush points (yes, you did read that right) and barely moved off the couch and I still lost weight. What worries me is the "I can eat anything and still lose" refrain. In fact, it was already playing faintly in the background this week when I over-indulged at the Lucky Martini Book-Club's first post-summer event. The martinis were Blonde and the pizza was Black and White and it was all so delicious I had 3 martinis and 3 slices. And sundry bits of cheese and salami. Oh, and warm artichoke dip. I did track it all the next morning as faithfully as I could (hence the 37 weekly points used) but that didn't stop me going out to the new French Bistro Bon Rouge and having another Martini and terrine and baguette and lemon tart...

You see the problem. I will have to apply all of my will to turning off the seductive voice saying let's go back to the bistro or, better yet, order in a pizza...

Well I'm back to Dunsmuir Lodge tomorrow for two days of school, fabulous scenery and those buffets. Lots of salad, water, fresh fruit and dinner with Debbie. I'll let you know how it went.

Week 6 results and lessons learned...

Down 3.2lbs (17.2lbs total)

This was a week of eating out. I had dinner at Stage on Thursday after last week's weigh-in, then dinner at the Beagle on Friday. Saturday saw me eating lunch at the Cactus Club, followed by a movie with popcorn and dinner at the Tapas Bar. On Sunday I packed and left for two days at Dunsmuir Lodge with buffets for breakfast and lunch as well as dinner in the lounge bar. On Tuesday I took Bernard for dinner at Temple for his birthday. On Wednesday I had eye surgery and didn't feel like eating much.

I fully expected to gain weight, hoped I'd maintain, and secretly wished for a pound loss. I was flabbergasted at the 3.2.

I knew I had approached every meal with points in mind and I had loaded up on vegetables wherever possible, but still, you can't control the amount of fat people use to cook and it is hard to guess-timate grams or cups.

I was extremely proud of myself, and you know what pride goeth before...

Week 5 results and lessons learned...

Down 3.2lbs (14lbs Total)

Those endless diet books, and shows and articles in magazines, that told you that moderation not denial was the key to success used to piss me off. How, I would say to myself, could one be moderate around those trigger foods that were always waiting in the wings like the boyfriend who always thought you'd come back to him? Pizza is not satisfying in one slice increments - you must eat the first slice smoking hot, and then eat all the others before the cheese sets. Everyone knows this.

However, I did manage to eat Thanksgiving dinner this weekend at Debbie's mum's house (thanks Audrey!) and have a glass of wine, turkey with gravy, stuffing, mashed potato, cranberry sauce, sweet potato, carrots, peas, pumpkin pie with whipped cream, and a slice of Ashley's chocolate birthday cake (Happy 21st!). It was delicious and it only added up to 20 points. How you ask? Moderation of course (you saw that coming).

My pie was about 1/3 the regular size, the cake slice was 3/4 inch wide. My dinner plate had one half devoted to peas, carrots and sweet potato, with another quarter containing the stuffing, mashed potato and cranberry. The last quarter held the turkey with about 2Tbsp of gravy over it. I had seconds of the peas and carrots.

And the scales prove it.

Do you take your supplements?

Did you see the Oprah episode where Dr. Oz showed a mound of fat, about 6 pounds, and said this is what you would lose in a year just by taking a minimum of 1000mg of Calcium with 600mg of Magnesium in a day? I did, and ran right out and bought a big bottle. Then it got complicated.

Dr. Roizen, in another show, said you had to take half in the morning and half in the evening because our bodies could only use about 600mg at a time. Now I have to remember to take pills twice a day, 7 days a week. This is hard.

I've tried the visual cues - bottles in front of the coffee machine, on my keyboard, etc. But I have an amazing ability to not see what doesn't interest me. I've left notes on my bathroom mirror - I look right through them.

So, any tips on how to get me to take my fat-busting calcium? I'm all ears.

Week 4 results and lessons learned...

Down 1.2lbs (10.8lbs total)

This week had a food and wine event smack in the middle of it. The Cowichan Valley Wine Festival had events going all weekend to celebrate the wineries (and Cidery) located around Mill Bay and Duncan. Some of us from work went up for a day of shuttle-busing and tasting and I knew that it would be a challenge. However, I didn't deny myself - I had a fabulous tasting lunch at the Cherry Point Bistro (thanks Rob), sipped all the wines (no spitting), and even dipped some fruit in a molten fountain of dark Belgian chocolate.

So, I learned that I can enjoy food and wine and still have weekly points left over (12), drop the aimed-for 1 to 2 pounds and get my gold star (finally).

I won't deny the feeling of failure at only losing 1.2 pounds but I'm working on that; I'm working at celebrating the healthy choices and the sense of accomplishing that elusive goal of moderation.

Week 3 results and lessons learned...

Down 2.4lbs (9.6 total)

The mind is a stubborn beast to move. I lost more than the necessary pound this week and I was still disappointed. The goal of a pound a week is a safe, steady rate of loss that will help halt rebound gain. I know this. I should therefore be feeling some happiness that I exceeded this rate and some trepidation that I am dropping a little too fast. However what I am feeling is not-so-secretly disappointed. I didn't lose 2.8 lbs. this week and didn't get my next gold star, ergo I failed. Now, I understand the gold star thing; celebrating every 5 pounds keeps your eyes focussed on a nearer goal than that mythical huge number that you have to "give away". And I know that the initial weight loss had a lot to do with shedding water. And I know that this week I used most of my weekly extra points (at the movie on popcorn and a hotdog!). But my mind conveniently forgets all that - there is a prize to be won and I didn't win it. Loser!

Sigh.

Week 2 results and lesson learned...

Down 3.4lbs (7.2lbs total)

Dining out does not feel natural yet - I still feel like I'm practicing "good" eating and on some distant glorious day I will get to order the Burger with cheese, bacon, mayo, fries and ketchup again. I think this is one of the more powerful illusions about food consumption. It is what rocks the boat and tips us over the side - the sense of denial that comes up from the depths of our being.

I am not proficient yet in seeing that a salad with a grilled chicken fillet or skewer of prawns is not a hardship. It tastes fabulous, my body likes it, there is no guilt attached, and yet...

Comfort food season is here. My primitive brain wants to pack on the fat for winter; to avoid starvation in those cold Northern European winters of my genetic past. I would have made a good cave dweller.

Books to read, part 1

Last Saturday at the morning Weight Watcher meeting our "substitute" leader, Mary, came with a stack of books that she had found useful for helping with the critical emotional aspects of over-eating. One of them struck a chord with me (and with many of the other members of the meeting): Pathway by Laurel Mellin offers a practice that helps take out the "emotional trash" that drives us to excess. The Solution, as Mellin calls it, seems to be a way to help re-wire the deep, limbic region of our brain where early memories of fear, abandonment, insecurity, etc. were laid down. Her method involves Nurturing and Limit-setting as learnable skills which, when practiced often, help us to parent ourselves to complete the development necessary to live a balanced emotional, adult life. Scary, but very interesting. I'll keep you informed.

Week 1 results and lessons learned...

Down 3.8lbs.
Lessons learned:

• it is possible to follow the plan
  
• home-made, low-fat yoghurt tzaziki sauce tastes fabulous
  
• belly dancing is as fun at 49 as it is at 19
  
• water intake is difficult for me but I'm working at it
  

one week at a time...

GPS for the dieter

Here is some sage advice from "YOU: on a diet"

Have you enjoyed a few forkfuls of a coworker's cake or picked at your friend's fries? That's OK.

You're going to make wrong turns. You're going to be tempted by not-so-good-for-YOU foods. Does that mean you should steer off the dietary cliff and fall into the fatty crevasse of destructive eating? Of course not. Instead of falling into a defeatist mentality by drop-kicking healthy eating the moment you make one bad choice, confront it. How? By repeating the YOU Diet Mantra:

"At the next available moment, make an authorized YOU-turn."

Say it three times, put down the tub of cookie dough, and get back on the right road.

More: What kills any regimen of healthy eating isn't the occasional brownie or slice of pizza; it's the cascade of behavior that happens after the initial indulgence. Use the YOU Diet Mantra to steer yourself back -- and understand that you can make mistakes, but that you can correct them with some nonjudgmental coaxing. Why does it work?

* It gives you a mental crutch to carry when you're faced with difficult eating situations.
* It reminds you to be confident, to be positive, to know that the harm isn't in the first mistake, it's in not figuring out how to deal with it.

Weight Watchers begins

I have been journaling some of the things reaching my goal will allow me to do:

comfortably ride in a plane * shop in regular clothing stores * sleep deeply * have sex in some new positions (hopefully) * hike * lie on the floor and read * kneel * begin yoga * experience pleasure when I accidentally see myself in a store window as I walk by * wear those faded blue jeans with the black leather belt and a tucked in white man's shirt

Preparing for the journey

I am worried about pizza. And sex. Maybe I've had my last taste of both of them? It creates a feeling of panic in me and dangerous thoughts start to circulate. Unfortunately I worry more about the pizza.

I spent an hour reading success stories on the WW site today hoping to see myself there, hoping to feel that shift in my internal dialogue from defeatism to belief that I can do it too.

First meeting on Thursday. I can't wait.

Mission Statement

I've been reading about the power of thinking to influence your life and pretty well all of the approaches agree that some sort of mission statement or visualization of the goal is critical to achieving what we want, whether it is a functioning healthy business or a fitter, healthier body. So, with the best positive language I can muster here is my mission statement:

I am making food the healthiest part of my life by focusing each day on the Weight Watcher points system and by looking forward to some of the healthiest, freshest food I can buy.

I am incorporating exercise into my life through walking, dancing and swimming and I am committed to 30 minutes (total) a day, 5 times a week.

Throughout this journey I
• strive to tell the truth to myself
• find ways to be more caring for myself
• acknowledge moments of contentment and live in them for a while
• focus on the reasons I begin to fail and gently help myself overcome them
• seek out the leadership and support I need
• stay constant, on course
• maintain and care for my relationships with my friends
• seek completeness and understanding

I'm going to print this out and post it in the bathroom and on my fridge. I will read it every day and visualize myself at my goal weight. It feels better already.