Week 29

Down 2.4 (44.4 lbs total)

Back to tracking the points every day and practicing some moderation. Proof that if you work the plan the plan works. I know this is an oft repeated mantra but it is a lesson that is harder to learn than "pizza tastes good" and therefore requires more attempts. So, 6.6 lbs more to reach my goal for this part of the journey (though I just hit 50 lbs lost from my highest weight a year ago, which feels like a Rubicon of sorts).

Anyway, I spent the better part of the last week reading an important book by David Kessler called The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable North American Appetite. In it he explores the rise of modern obesity and the changes in the food industry that perpetuate it. Along the way he theorizes about the changes in brain functioning that occur in some individuals when faced with an abundance of fat, sugar and salt. Well worth a read if you crave food or if you want to prevent your children from being locked in the cue-reward cycles that this food creates.

Weeks 27 & 28

27: Down .2 (42.6 lbs total)
28: Up .6 (42 lbs total)

Week 27: "The lies we tell ourselves"

So, I'm in a grocery store with my basket full of good fruit, whole grain bread, low-fat cheese, and I'm wandering back and forth because I really want chocolate. I go up and down the candy area hoping that I'll see those 100 Cal thin bars. But no, this store doesn't sell them. So I start turning over the bars to see if I can find the lowest calorie count. Eventually I have the bright idea of getting the largest dark chocolate bar because I can keep it in the fridge and eat it 3 squares at a time for a mere 80 calories a hit. With this brilliant solution I am finally free to stop orbiting the chocolate bar stand and I go check out. 21 squares later that night I am wondering why I let myself lie to myself like that. Who is the person that says "oh, that's a good idea - that chocolate bar will last for months that way" and why are they living in my head?

Week 28: "What the hell, I'm going to gain anyway"

A weekend away at a lovely spa; no tracking journal in sight. For the first time since I began WW in January I did not write down my daily point intake. I am apparently feeling secure enough to run a total in my head (see the title of Week 27 above). I ate nachos, ice cream, hollandaise, Caesar salad, bread - I drank wine. As the week progressed I did not resume tracking and by Thursday I was telling myself that I might as well order the pizza because the scales are not going to be my friend on Saturday. So I did, and then I did it again on Friday night too. How I only gained .6 is beyond me but I'm thankful.

Today I re-committed and reassured myself that learning to persevere is the lesson - not learning to avoid food.

Week 26

Down .8 (42.4 lbs total)

The black patent Clarks' Navan sandals went on sale so I bought them - I'm currently wearing them around the house in short spurts so my body gets used to wearing high heels again. The picture is quite hilarious because my other attire is baggy-ass sweatpants and a decade old fleece hoodie; no glamour awards will be won. The sandals are only 3" high, so not too bad, but they do re-distribute the weight which causes my back to do strange things. I used to live in high heels: work all day in them go dancing all evening and then do it again the next day; running for the bus in them was routine. Of course, this is partly why I have back and foot problems but I don't care. I have been a shoe fetishist without satisfaction for far too long - I need to wear heels because when I have them on the 'outside' me matches more closely to the idea of myself that I carry around, the 'inside' me.

Think about it: you just won a lot of money, you're travelling and shopping, you're strolling along, you sit at a bistro table and cross your legs, you look down. What is wrapping itself around your foot? Birkenstocks? I think not.